Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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