All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
