It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
