We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can I color on your dick again?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
