i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
