She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
