it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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