I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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