they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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