There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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