Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He felt like a one man threesome
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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