Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
