How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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