Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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