It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
