Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
