There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
