I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
