This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Randomize