I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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