im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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