my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize