I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
