That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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