Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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