mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
