Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
