you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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