I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
