We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
