Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize