I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
