I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
