Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
