dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
