i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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