I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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