Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize