im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
