I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
