I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
