just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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