he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
