I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
