I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
