So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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