New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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