wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
