6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
