So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
