so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I am mentally ready for anal.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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