I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
