I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
