Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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