They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize