A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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