dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
