Having a random hookup so left but love u
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Randomize
