Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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