I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
