God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
