Me. At least after what I've been through.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
