Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
