I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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