I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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