I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
