Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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