She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
