spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize