do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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