the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
