I need to stop coming to work sober
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
