K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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