Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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