well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
