He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
bring money and cleavage
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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