You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
