you traded sex for a burrito?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
