Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
