they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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