so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
