Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
