I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I faked an abortion last night.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
