is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
