I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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