ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
