I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
