I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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