I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
